A Letter to our Baby

Dear Bean,

You are forever stuck with this moniker.  It doesn't matter if you are a boy or a girl.  We'll find out in a few weeks, but Bean you shall remain.  It's settled.

Now, several years from now when we have "the talk" and you are curious about babies, where they come from, and what goes on during those arduous nine months, I will refer you to this post.  These are the things for which no one adequately prepared your mommy (or daddy, to be fair).

Mommy gets emotional over videos and pictures of little babies and tortures herself with the stories of those children who Jesus needed with him before they were adults.  I think of you and pray that the Lord will prepare you for the call He has upon your life.  When I first read the story of Hannah and Samuel in the Bible, I knew I was to devote you to the purposes the Lord has for you.  Your daddy and I are anxious to see you, the blessing for whom we prayed.

The doctor says you are about 10 weeks along your journey, even though I think you are a little further.  These weeks have been a roller coaster for both your daddy and I.  About week 6, I woke up nauseated one day and am still waiting for it to stop.  Even though I feel sick much of the time, I still want certain foods.  The food that I want often changes daily.  Weeks 6-8 I wanted black olives and banana peppers in a salad with ranch and Italian dressing.  One evening, your daddy called me from the grocery store frantically trying to find black olives (because we don't usually eat them).  I cried at the thought of him giving up before finding the olives.  After that night, I didn't want olives or banana peppers anymore.  I craved Mexican food for a week and ate it once; that was enough.  Nothing tastes as good as I imagine it will.

Everyone told me to drink ginger ale and eat crackers for the nausea.  You, my little Bean, must not have appreciated it.  I have figured out that Cherry Coke and sour cream and cheddar ruffles are the best at ridding the queasy feeling.  I try to eat healthy other than those two things.  I always want fruit now, especially oranges, tangelos, bananas, and strawberries.  In fact, I think your Poppy was perturbed when he took us to dinner at one of our favorite Chinese restaurants and I consumed mainly fruit.  Your Memaw was amused, I believe. 

I have had some days where smells bothered me.  A couple of nights, your daddy and Memaw had to finish making dinner.  There was a week where the smell of human breath made me cringe.  I hope I'm over that because your daddy thought it was hilarious and purposely breathed his hot breath on me.  He recovered after a few days, and is doing well.  Seriously, he's been a trooper, especially since I can't sleep very well at night now.  I steal covers, push him to the furthest edge of the mattress, take pillows, crawl over him to go pee, and other worse things all in hopes of getting comfortable and sleeping.  I think he's only moved to the couch twice so far.

What else is there?... emotions, food, nausea, insomnia, oh! yes, how could I forget...

When you first were entrusted to me to carry you for this time, yet before I quite knew it, I had a little meltdown in the doctor's office.  I had noticed some changes happening in my body and my pants were rather snug.  I went to my primary physician and found that I had gained 9 pounds in two weeks.  This was my first clue that I was carrying you.  Since that day, my weight has gone down and is gradually creeping back up.  You are so small right now that most of my weight is not quite from you yet, but from changes my body is making to prepare for you.  Honestly, I feel like I have a gas baby or a food baby holding your place.

All those things aside, your daddy and I can't wait to see you.  Make no mistake, you take your time growing and developing.  But, when it's your day to emerge into this world, I look forward to counting your toes and fingers, and hearing your first cries.  If your daddy doesn't pass out, then we will be proud of him together and you can congratulate him by crying louder than him.  Just bear with us; we're new at this.  We won't always get it right.  But we will always try our best.

Love,
Your Very Anxious and Grateful Mommy

It's A... Turtle?!

Yesterday was my first OB appointment.  I wasn't really sure what to expect, as I had bits of information coming at me from several directions.  I was scared as to what we would have to pay and at the possible disappointment of not seeing our baby on ultrasound.  (Someone with our same insurance told us we wouldn't have an ultrasound until well in the second trimester.)  Regardless, I prayed for peace and got ready to go.  Chris and I stopped to pick up my Auntie and headed up there.

After some research, I decided on Lexington OB/GYN, and I made my appointment.  It wasn't until I got there yesterday that I found out I was accepted despite the fact they aren't accepting new patients.  Praise Jesus!  I loved the office staff, the ultrasound tech, the nurse, and the doctor.  I will have ultrasounds at 12 weeks, 16 weeks, 20 weeks, and 28 weeks.  The 16 week and 28 week ultrasounds are no cost to us.  I felt fully informed and a definite part of the decision-making team. Anyway, on to the details of the visit...

First stop: ultrasound.  This is the moment I have waited for.  I have had crazy dreams for weeks, and have had to pray to absolve random thoughts and fears about this baby.  The tech stepped out of the room for me to undress, and I happened to look at her photos of her children.  I graduated with one of her sons, so I made Auntie hold up my coat in front of the pictures while I assumed the correct garments.  She complied with my odd requests before she realized how absurd I am and laughed at me. 

The tech came back in the room and proceeded with the ultrasound.  I looked at the monitor as if each millisecond took hours to locate the baby, and finally the screen was consumed by our little one!  Chris, Auntie, and I looked in wonder and thankful relief at our tiny baby developing inside of me... a little wonder, an honest miracle. 

At this moment, I uttered a silent prayer of thanksgiving, and in the next moment it struck me how much our baby resembles a turtle.  A turtle with a big head. Blame it on my pregnancy brain or my random sense of humor, but I laughed.  It was a welcome sign to escape the tension of my nerves that has built with each pain or thought over the past few weeks.  We're having a turtle!  I still laugh at the thought.

By the size of our baby and some other key pieces of information the internet doesn't need, the best guess as to when Bean shall join us is between August 8 and August 14, but August 14 is more likely as this is our first baby.  It feels surreal to be able to place a date on when our child will be expected to arrive in this world. 

We later spoke with both the nurse and the doctor, asking any and all questions we pleased.  The nurse gave us a lot of materials to read and reference, including a book that my OB wrote (which is really awesome, by the way).  Not many people get the seal of approval from Auntie, but they passed with flying colors. 

I am looking forward to the next seven months, and I'm simultaneously frightened by the next seven months.  I take comfort in knowing that the Lord wants this baby to be here.  All the things I was supposed to do to become pregnant concerning my medical diagnoses, I didn't do at all.  Yet, we have a little blessing on the way.  And in no mindset could I ever believe that my God and Savior would make a physical way for this baby without also making the means to provide.  So, we rejoice in this knowledge! 

When I have the time, I will post an image or two of ultrasounds along the way, but for now, I want a small glimpse into our humble beginnings before baby...

Minutes before he popped the question.

Busch Gardens Tampa March 2012

Epworth Camp, Greenwood SC July 2012

Senior Pinning Ceremony May 2013

Before Carnival of Madness August 2013

Meet and Greet with Skillet August 2013

Billy Graham Library September 2013

Our Wedding Day 10.11.12