Thankful on a Lazy Day

Oh so much I could say.

I'm being lazy today.  Well, pretty much.  I've slept horribly the past few nights and tried to catch up this morning.  When I woke up for the final time, my tension headache had gone away, so I'll take that as progress.

I'm looking through my NCLEX-RN review course book.  And I'll answer some questions on another review site later.  It all feels surreal.  I will become a Registered Nurse and a Mommy in less than 3 months.  Big girl panties, here I come.

And we're moving.  This weekend. An hour and a half away.  We've been blessed with an opportunity, and we're stepping out on faith.  We technically don't have the numbers in our bank account to support the decision, but we sowed a seed a while back and this is its fruition.  We know that God "shall supply all our needs according to His riches and glory by Christ Jesus."  He always has.

We've enjoyed being with my in-laws.  At first, it was a little hairy.  I'm proud of my husband for swallowing his pride.  It's hard for a man to move his wife and unborn child in with his parents.  Now, we're bittersweet about the separation process.  I've thoroughly enjoyed annoying my father-in-law lol.  And my mother-in-law has been great with helping me through this last leg of nursing school.  It's great having an experienced nurse in the household to help me rationalize.  We've had many laughs and our gripes have been few.

As it is, I have a chikawawa (chihuahua for those not in the know) glued to my right hip.  I'm sure he'll miss us.  He already whines at our door when we're out of town for the weekend.  Hopefully, it won't be a difficult transition for him.

Even knowing the work ahead with packing, unpacking, looking for affordable furniture options, and getting Abbi's room ready for her arrival, I have such a peace.  Even NCLEX doesn't give me fear.  I will be successful.  I refuse to allow doubt to creep in and rob my security.  (Besides, the chikawawa's GI tract just robbed me of fresh air. Ugh, gag.)

This is a new chapter for us.  We have made decisions of faith as a couple, but this is our biggest.  I'm giddy to know what the Lord has in store.  And grateful to know that He intimately cares for us.

If I can get things in good order, I'll post some pics of our first home.  Before, we lived in our brother-in-law's place that was relinquished to us.  We've been with my in-laws.  This will be our first "just us" home.  We are blessed.

Today

What's so special about today?

Well, I made it.  You did too.  There are many who didn't.  We should be so grateful.

I've had this brewing in my spirit for a while, and today is the perfect day to release it.

It doesn't matter what storm surrounds you.  Whatever the wind that threatens to uproot you, the rain that threatens to drown you, or the thunder that catches you unaware...  There is One who protects, provides, and comforts you if you allow Him to.

Right now, our storm is financial.  It seems like a hurricane right now, but in retrospect, I'll smile and see how the Lord made a way and sheltered us through it all.  I refuse to see the swells approaching, feel the wind stinging my face, or hear the thunder vibrate into what seems to be the very core of me.  I will not be shaken.

See, I learned this lesson a long time ago.  Satan, the devil, the adversary, however you prefer to refer to him... he is a roaring lion, seeking to devour.  I'm sure you've heard the scripture many times before.  Well, he doesn't come obviously strutting about in a red suit with horns and a pointy tail.  He masks himself in light and familiar things.  Thoughts. 

Ever had some random thought come into your head that made you uneasy after dwelling on it?  Or maybe you just acted on it and the result wasn't so great?  Don't take me for one of those who believes he is everywhere or that demons have such great power.  I don't give him the credit.  But I do warn you to renew your minds daily through the Word.  The adversary's success depends on your gullibility and lack of familiarity with the Word and its Author.

Another mnemonic that I use to remind myself of this concept and that the just shall live by faith...     F.E.A.R.  is False Evidence Appearing Real.  Fear is the opposite of Faith.  We fear because we see our circumstances and believe them, rather than trusting in the Lord Jesus Christ to be faithful to us.  Have you ever noticed that in the bible, it is not our faith that we depend on?  We are given the faith of Jesus Christ! We just have to employ it. 

See, in Romans Chapter 3 (a really awesome chapter that lays out the basic tenets of Christianity), we are given this truth.  I like to read in King James Version, but study by NASB and the Amplified for clarity and expansion.  I'll post 3:22 here, but read the whole chapter for encouragement: 

"Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference:"- KJV
"Namely, the righteousness of God which comes by believing with personal trust and confident reliance on Jesus Christ (the Messiah). [And it is meant] for all who believe. For there is no distinction,"-Amplified
"even the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all those ^[a]who believe; for there is no distinction;"- NASB

 So the measure of faith that each one of us is given is the faith of Jesus Christ!  So, you may be wondering, well what could I possibly be doing to mess this up?  I've wondered it myself.  We are shown in Matthew 13:31,32 after Jesus spoke of the parables of the seed and the sower.  

"Another parable put he forth unto them, saying, The kingdom of heaven is like to a grain of mustard seed, which a man took, and sowed in his field: 
Which indeed is the least of all seeds: but when it is grown, it is the greatest among herbs, and becometh a tree, so that the birds of the air come and lodge in the branches thereof."-KJV

Get this:
"And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you."- Matthew 17:20 KJV
"He said to them, Because of the littleness of your faith [that is, your lack of ^[a]firmly relying trust]. For truly I say to you, if you have faith [^[b]that is living] like a grain of mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, Move from here to yonder place, and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you."- Amplified

NOWHERE does it ever say "faith the size of a grain of mustard seed."  Faith AS a mustard seed.  The Amplified looks at the original Greek to expound.  Faith that is living.  So faith is given to us, and we are expected to grow it!  How?

Romans 10:17
"So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God."

It's just that simple! Read the Bible, speak it out loud, listen to it on audio books, but GROW your FAITH!

If the just are to live by faith, I don't think it's going to do if it stays the initial size of the mustard seed.  Nothing can take refuge in its branches if it's a seed.

I need to return to the level I was once at in my relationship with Christ.  That's one thing I will be working on this summer before we welcome Abbigail Hope.  I do better with accountability, and if you want, I can help you too!

In light of this, I have decided to compile a list of things, but not a "bucket list."  A bucket list, to me anyway, speaks of trying to fit in so many things before death.  My list will focus on life and how I want to live it.  I don't know how much of it I have left, but I know I want to embrace it.  I want my little girl to grow up in a home that is brimming with life, love, and laughter.

I think I'll make this list like a daily goal.  As in, no matter what else I do or don't accomplish each day, these items will be my pillars that support the rest and provide the framework to build on for each day.

Here are a few thoughts on how I'll start.  I'll add more over time.
1) Read a personal devotion and have prayer time with just me and the Lord.  No time limits.  Pretty sure I don't place anyone else on a timer.  It doesn't have to be all in one setting, but can be throughout the day.
2) Profess aloud several selected verses that I claim for myself and my family.
3) Be mindful of my speech and actions;  if my daughter is going to learn from me, this is imperative.
4) Read the Bible as a family in the evening.  Right now, Abbi can hear even if it's muffled.  We'll start her training before she gets here so it's not such an adjustment after.  And Chris and I figured out that the evening works better for us to sit down together. 
5) Let go.  Forget being so anal over everything.  Clean dishes and clean underwear are always a good start.  Everything else can normally wait.

What ideas would you add?  Maybe your own list if you care to share?  And who wants to help me be accountable?  

Graphic from faithlovejoyhope.wordpress.com

And a funny for good measure...

 

A Deep Breath of Uncertainty

It's so close to that time.  What I've been working for is about to come to pass.  When I started taking courses toward getting my nursing degree, things were so different.

I started prereq's for my ADN and BSN in August 2010 after switching from Christian Studies with dual minors in Youth Ministry and Christian Counseling.  The Lord was teaching me that Nursing IS my ministry.  In Nursing, I am not limited to an age group or one audience.  There are people with dire need of compassion and light in the darkness they're going through in hospitals, skilled nursing facilities, post-acute care units, hospice, you name it.

He was showing me that His work is not limited to a title or a degree.  Ministry doesn't have to come from a pulpit.  Love can be shown outside of a church building.

In 2010, I was miserable in my personal life.  I felt stuck and the more I tried to break free, the more entangled I became.  For more than a year, I cried out to God.  He provided my every need, but I was yet forlorn.  I was surrounded by classmates, coworkers, church members, and somehow I was alone.  I had been alienated from family members by time and distance.  There were no friends to turn to.  I went home each day to a very sorrowful dwelling.  When would it ever change?

The year 2011 began much the same way.  As the months passed by, I questioned the Lord "why?"  I sought Him, I read and professed His word, I was a faithful and cheerful giver.  I delighted in His work.  I am not sure exactly how, as His works are sure but not always seen, that He began to answer my prayers.

Maybe He had it all lined up from the beginning.  Maybe I was just absorbed in my circumstances.  Maybe my human mind is still incapable of perceiving just how immense His love is for me.

By the end of 2011, things were looking up.  I had started dating one of those church members that had surrounded me, overlooked.  I turned in my application for the nursing program.  I celebrated Christmas for the first time in many years.  The joy that had been screaming to erupt from my heart was slowly but surely escaping... and I loved it.

2012 rolled around.  February 16, 2012 I was accepted into the ADN program.  I figured I'd get through it just like I had all the classes before.  Just a little elbow grease and some determination.  March 10, 2012, my love asked me to be his wife.  August 13, 2012, I started the ADN program.  (I think that first day cued me in to the wisdom that it would take more than a little elbow grease and determination to get through.)  [Edit due to pregnancy brain: October 11, 2012, I said I do and I will to the man God created especially for me.]  So many firsts.

2013 was a collage of studying, crying, sorrow, random times of laughter, and hard work.  It was also the marker of our first year of marriage and yet another first.  We found out we would become a family.  On Christmas Day, we shared our happiness with our immediate family.

Then came 2014.  I've been thinking of referring to it as the year of miracles.  In just a few short days on May 13, 2014 I will be pinned as a graduate nurse.  That's a miracle by itself.  It only took several meltdowns to get here.  On May 15, 2014, I will officially be a college graduate.  With the exception of maybe 2 of my aunts, no one else in my family has ever done this.  I am overwhelmed.  Sometime in June, 2014 I will take (and pass with flying colors) the NCLEX-RN and become an official Registered Nurse.  And on or about August 14, 2014, we will welcome our daughter, Abbigail Hope, into this world.

I am thrilled.  I am scared.  I am here.  Only because of the Lord Jesus Christ who brought me this far.  One thing must I keep in mind: " And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me<sup>." 2 Corinthians 12:9

I have no time for fear or doubt.  I have only those things which I so desired of the Lord for so long.  And I am happy.</sup>