I am the mother of a two month old baby girl. A two month old. A whirlwind. What's my name? I haven't showered in how many days? Or combed my hair?
Well then. It doesn't matter. Sleep? Who needs it? I have a complete chunk who requires my full attention and prefers to eat more often than she should. Acid reflux, phenomenal amounts of spit up, colic, and sleep deprivation.
My body chemistry is off. So off. Deodorant? It doesn't work anymore. I smell like a preteen going through puberty. At least to myself. Apparently, my husband can't smell me. I could knock the paint off of houses as I drive by. But he can't smell me. Only I can. Oh joy. I may smell terrible but my husband thinks I'm sexy. Awesome.
I cry at the drop of a hat. Actually, I cry at the thought of it. I got no sleep last night? I cry. I got sleep last night? I cry. The baby is young and helpless and can't speak to me and tell me what's wrong? I cry. The baby is getting bigger and closer to the age that she can tell me what's wrong? I cry. I think my husband thinks I'm unattractive? I cry. He tells me I'm beautiful? I cry. Bottom line, there is nothing not worthy of tears these days.
I'm going for job interviews almost daily, so when we all get home I do laundry, figure out what to eat, feed the baby, and maybe fall asleep. The house is a wreck. I cry. The never-ending cycle.
But guess what? It's all worth it. My husband loves me. My daughter thinks I'm her world. My prayers have been answered, and my heart is full. That whole 'sleep when the baby sleeps' thing? I can't. I stay awake and I watch my husband and my daughter sleep. They're so peaceful and it's amazing. My dishes are on the counter, laundry is in piles and never folded, more times than not we've had fast food or cereal for dinner, and my floors need desperate cleaning. But my heart is full. And so are the trash cans, but I digress...
I have made it. I am a mother. This is it. The stuff of dreams. And guess what? We're already talking about how it will be when we have three or four. Because we love it!
Saturday, October 4, 2014
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Thankful on a Lazy Day
Oh so much I could say.
I'm being lazy today. Well, pretty much. I've slept horribly the past few nights and tried to catch up this morning. When I woke up for the final time, my tension headache had gone away, so I'll take that as progress.
I'm looking through my NCLEX-RN review course book. And I'll answer some questions on another review site later. It all feels surreal. I will become a Registered Nurse and a Mommy in less than 3 months. Big girl panties, here I come.
And we're moving. This weekend. An hour and a half away. We've been blessed with an opportunity, and we're stepping out on faith. We technically don't have the numbers in our bank account to support the decision, but we sowed a seed a while back and this is its fruition. We know that God "shall supply all our needs according to His riches and glory by Christ Jesus." He always has.
We've enjoyed being with my in-laws. At first, it was a little hairy. I'm proud of my husband for swallowing his pride. It's hard for a man to move his wife and unborn child in with his parents. Now, we're bittersweet about the separation process. I've thoroughly enjoyed annoying my father-in-law lol. And my mother-in-law has been great with helping me through this last leg of nursing school. It's great having an experienced nurse in the household to help me rationalize. We've had many laughs and our gripes have been few.
As it is, I have a chikawawa (chihuahua for those not in the know) glued to my right hip. I'm sure he'll miss us. He already whines at our door when we're out of town for the weekend. Hopefully, it won't be a difficult transition for him.
Even knowing the work ahead with packing, unpacking, looking for affordable furniture options, and getting Abbi's room ready for her arrival, I have such a peace. Even NCLEX doesn't give me fear. I will be successful. I refuse to allow doubt to creep in and rob my security. (Besides, the chikawawa's GI tract just robbed me of fresh air. Ugh, gag.)
This is a new chapter for us. We have made decisions of faith as a couple, but this is our biggest. I'm giddy to know what the Lord has in store. And grateful to know that He intimately cares for us.
If I can get things in good order, I'll post some pics of our first home. Before, we lived in our brother-in-law's place that was relinquished to us. We've been with my in-laws. This will be our first "just us" home. We are blessed.
I'm being lazy today. Well, pretty much. I've slept horribly the past few nights and tried to catch up this morning. When I woke up for the final time, my tension headache had gone away, so I'll take that as progress.
I'm looking through my NCLEX-RN review course book. And I'll answer some questions on another review site later. It all feels surreal. I will become a Registered Nurse and a Mommy in less than 3 months. Big girl panties, here I come.
And we're moving. This weekend. An hour and a half away. We've been blessed with an opportunity, and we're stepping out on faith. We technically don't have the numbers in our bank account to support the decision, but we sowed a seed a while back and this is its fruition. We know that God "shall supply all our needs according to His riches and glory by Christ Jesus." He always has.
We've enjoyed being with my in-laws. At first, it was a little hairy. I'm proud of my husband for swallowing his pride. It's hard for a man to move his wife and unborn child in with his parents. Now, we're bittersweet about the separation process. I've thoroughly enjoyed annoying my father-in-law lol. And my mother-in-law has been great with helping me through this last leg of nursing school. It's great having an experienced nurse in the household to help me rationalize. We've had many laughs and our gripes have been few.
As it is, I have a chikawawa (chihuahua for those not in the know) glued to my right hip. I'm sure he'll miss us. He already whines at our door when we're out of town for the weekend. Hopefully, it won't be a difficult transition for him.
Even knowing the work ahead with packing, unpacking, looking for affordable furniture options, and getting Abbi's room ready for her arrival, I have such a peace. Even NCLEX doesn't give me fear. I will be successful. I refuse to allow doubt to creep in and rob my security. (Besides, the chikawawa's GI tract just robbed me of fresh air. Ugh, gag.)
This is a new chapter for us. We have made decisions of faith as a couple, but this is our biggest. I'm giddy to know what the Lord has in store. And grateful to know that He intimately cares for us.
If I can get things in good order, I'll post some pics of our first home. Before, we lived in our brother-in-law's place that was relinquished to us. We've been with my in-laws. This will be our first "just us" home. We are blessed.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Today
What's so special about today?
Well, I made it. You did too. There are many who didn't. We should be so grateful.
I've had this brewing in my spirit for a while, and today is the perfect day to release it.
It doesn't matter what storm surrounds you. Whatever the wind that threatens to uproot you, the rain that threatens to drown you, or the thunder that catches you unaware... There is One who protects, provides, and comforts you if you allow Him to.
Right now, our storm is financial. It seems like a hurricane right now, but in retrospect, I'll smile and see how the Lord made a way and sheltered us through it all. I refuse to see the swells approaching, feel the wind stinging my face, or hear the thunder vibrate into what seems to be the very core of me. I will not be shaken.
See, I learned this lesson a long time ago. Satan, the devil, the adversary, however you prefer to refer to him... he is a roaring lion, seeking to devour. I'm sure you've heard the scripture many times before. Well, he doesn't come obviously strutting about in a red suit with horns and a pointy tail. He masks himself in light and familiar things. Thoughts.
Ever had some random thought come into your head that made you uneasy after dwelling on it? Or maybe you just acted on it and the result wasn't so great? Don't take me for one of those who believes he is everywhere or that demons have such great power. I don't give him the credit. But I do warn you to renew your minds daily through the Word. The adversary's success depends on your gullibility and lack of familiarity with the Word and its Author.
Another mnemonic that I use to remind myself of this concept and that the just shall live by faith... F.E.A.R. is False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear is the opposite of Faith. We fear because we see our circumstances and believe them, rather than trusting in the Lord Jesus Christ to be faithful to us. Have you ever noticed that in the bible, it is not our faith that we depend on? We are given the faith of Jesus Christ! We just have to employ it.
See, in Romans Chapter 3 (a really awesome chapter that lays out the basic tenets of Christianity), we are given this truth. I like to read in King James Version, but study by NASB and the Amplified for clarity and expansion. I'll post 3:22 here, but read the whole chapter for encouragement:
"Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference:"- KJV
"Namely, the righteousness of God which comes by believing with personal trust and confident reliance on Jesus Christ (the Messiah). [And it is meant] for all who believe. For there is no distinction,"-Amplified
"even the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all those [a]who believe; for there is no distinction;"- NASB
So the measure of faith that each one of us is given is the faith of Jesus Christ! So, you may be wondering, well what could I possibly be doing to mess this up? I've wondered it myself. We are shown in Matthew 13:31,32 after Jesus spoke of the parables of the seed and the sower.
"Another parable put he forth unto them, saying, The kingdom of heaven is like to a grain of mustard seed, which a man took, and sowed in his field:
Which indeed is the least of all seeds: but when it is grown, it is the greatest among herbs, and becometh a tree, so that the birds of the air come and lodge in the branches thereof."-KJV
Get this:
"And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you."- Matthew 17:20 KJV
"He said to them, Because of the littleness of your faith [that is, your lack of [a]firmly relying trust]. For truly I say to you, if you have faith [[b]that is living] like a grain of mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, Move from here to yonder place, and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you."- Amplified
NOWHERE does it ever say "faith the size of a grain of mustard seed." Faith AS a mustard seed. The Amplified looks at the original Greek to expound. Faith that is living. So faith is given to us, and we are expected to grow it! How?
Romans 10:17
"So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God."
It's just that simple! Read the Bible, speak it out loud, listen to it on audio books, but GROW your FAITH!
If the just are to live by faith, I don't think it's going to do if it stays the initial size of the mustard seed. Nothing can take refuge in its branches if it's a seed.
I need to return to the level I was once at in my relationship with Christ. That's one thing I will be working on this summer before we welcome Abbigail Hope. I do better with accountability, and if you want, I can help you too!
In light of this, I have decided to compile a list of things, but not a "bucket list." A bucket list, to me anyway, speaks of trying to fit in so many things before death. My list will focus on life and how I want to live it. I don't know how much of it I have left, but I know I want to embrace it. I want my little girl to grow up in a home that is brimming with life, love, and laughter.
I think I'll make this list like a daily goal. As in, no matter what else I do or don't accomplish each day, these items will be my pillars that support the rest and provide the framework to build on for each day.
Here are a few thoughts on how I'll start. I'll add more over time.
1) Read a personal devotion and have prayer time with just me and the Lord. No time limits. Pretty sure I don't place anyone else on a timer. It doesn't have to be all in one setting, but can be throughout the day.
2) Profess aloud several selected verses that I claim for myself and my family.
3) Be mindful of my speech and actions; if my daughter is going to learn from me, this is imperative.
4) Read the Bible as a family in the evening. Right now, Abbi can hear even if it's muffled. We'll start her training before she gets here so it's not such an adjustment after. And Chris and I figured out that the evening works better for us to sit down together.
5) Let go. Forget being so anal over everything. Clean dishes and clean underwear are always a good start. Everything else can normally wait.
What ideas would you add? Maybe your own list if you care to share? And who wants to help me be accountable?
Graphic from faithlovejoyhope.wordpress.com
And a funny for good measure...
Well, I made it. You did too. There are many who didn't. We should be so grateful.
I've had this brewing in my spirit for a while, and today is the perfect day to release it.
It doesn't matter what storm surrounds you. Whatever the wind that threatens to uproot you, the rain that threatens to drown you, or the thunder that catches you unaware... There is One who protects, provides, and comforts you if you allow Him to.
Right now, our storm is financial. It seems like a hurricane right now, but in retrospect, I'll smile and see how the Lord made a way and sheltered us through it all. I refuse to see the swells approaching, feel the wind stinging my face, or hear the thunder vibrate into what seems to be the very core of me. I will not be shaken.
See, I learned this lesson a long time ago. Satan, the devil, the adversary, however you prefer to refer to him... he is a roaring lion, seeking to devour. I'm sure you've heard the scripture many times before. Well, he doesn't come obviously strutting about in a red suit with horns and a pointy tail. He masks himself in light and familiar things. Thoughts.
Ever had some random thought come into your head that made you uneasy after dwelling on it? Or maybe you just acted on it and the result wasn't so great? Don't take me for one of those who believes he is everywhere or that demons have such great power. I don't give him the credit. But I do warn you to renew your minds daily through the Word. The adversary's success depends on your gullibility and lack of familiarity with the Word and its Author.
Another mnemonic that I use to remind myself of this concept and that the just shall live by faith... F.E.A.R. is False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear is the opposite of Faith. We fear because we see our circumstances and believe them, rather than trusting in the Lord Jesus Christ to be faithful to us. Have you ever noticed that in the bible, it is not our faith that we depend on? We are given the faith of Jesus Christ! We just have to employ it.
See, in Romans Chapter 3 (a really awesome chapter that lays out the basic tenets of Christianity), we are given this truth. I like to read in King James Version, but study by NASB and the Amplified for clarity and expansion. I'll post 3:22 here, but read the whole chapter for encouragement:
"Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference:"- KJV
"Namely, the righteousness of God which comes by believing with personal trust and confident reliance on Jesus Christ (the Messiah). [And it is meant] for all who believe. For there is no distinction,"-Amplified
"even the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all those [a]who believe; for there is no distinction;"- NASB
So the measure of faith that each one of us is given is the faith of Jesus Christ! So, you may be wondering, well what could I possibly be doing to mess this up? I've wondered it myself. We are shown in Matthew 13:31,32 after Jesus spoke of the parables of the seed and the sower.
"Another parable put he forth unto them, saying, The kingdom of heaven is like to a grain of mustard seed, which a man took, and sowed in his field:
Which indeed is the least of all seeds: but when it is grown, it is the greatest among herbs, and becometh a tree, so that the birds of the air come and lodge in the branches thereof."-KJV
Get this:
"And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you."- Matthew 17:20 KJV
"He said to them, Because of the littleness of your faith [that is, your lack of [a]firmly relying trust]. For truly I say to you, if you have faith [[b]that is living] like a grain of mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, Move from here to yonder place, and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you."- Amplified
NOWHERE does it ever say "faith the size of a grain of mustard seed." Faith AS a mustard seed. The Amplified looks at the original Greek to expound. Faith that is living. So faith is given to us, and we are expected to grow it! How?
Romans 10:17
"So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God."
It's just that simple! Read the Bible, speak it out loud, listen to it on audio books, but GROW your FAITH!
If the just are to live by faith, I don't think it's going to do if it stays the initial size of the mustard seed. Nothing can take refuge in its branches if it's a seed.
I need to return to the level I was once at in my relationship with Christ. That's one thing I will be working on this summer before we welcome Abbigail Hope. I do better with accountability, and if you want, I can help you too!
In light of this, I have decided to compile a list of things, but not a "bucket list." A bucket list, to me anyway, speaks of trying to fit in so many things before death. My list will focus on life and how I want to live it. I don't know how much of it I have left, but I know I want to embrace it. I want my little girl to grow up in a home that is brimming with life, love, and laughter.
I think I'll make this list like a daily goal. As in, no matter what else I do or don't accomplish each day, these items will be my pillars that support the rest and provide the framework to build on for each day.
Here are a few thoughts on how I'll start. I'll add more over time.
1) Read a personal devotion and have prayer time with just me and the Lord. No time limits. Pretty sure I don't place anyone else on a timer. It doesn't have to be all in one setting, but can be throughout the day.
2) Profess aloud several selected verses that I claim for myself and my family.
3) Be mindful of my speech and actions; if my daughter is going to learn from me, this is imperative.
4) Read the Bible as a family in the evening. Right now, Abbi can hear even if it's muffled. We'll start her training before she gets here so it's not such an adjustment after. And Chris and I figured out that the evening works better for us to sit down together.
5) Let go. Forget being so anal over everything. Clean dishes and clean underwear are always a good start. Everything else can normally wait.
What ideas would you add? Maybe your own list if you care to share? And who wants to help me be accountable?
And a funny for good measure...
Friday, May 2, 2014
A Deep Breath of Uncertainty
It's so close to that time. What I've been working for is about to come to pass. When I started taking courses toward getting my nursing degree, things were so different.
I started prereq's for my ADN and BSN in August 2010 after switching from Christian Studies with dual minors in Youth Ministry and Christian Counseling. The Lord was teaching me that Nursing IS my ministry. In Nursing, I am not limited to an age group or one audience. There are people with dire need of compassion and light in the darkness they're going through in hospitals, skilled nursing facilities, post-acute care units, hospice, you name it.
He was showing me that His work is not limited to a title or a degree. Ministry doesn't have to come from a pulpit. Love can be shown outside of a church building.
In 2010, I was miserable in my personal life. I felt stuck and the more I tried to break free, the more entangled I became. For more than a year, I cried out to God. He provided my every need, but I was yet forlorn. I was surrounded by classmates, coworkers, church members, and somehow I was alone. I had been alienated from family members by time and distance. There were no friends to turn to. I went home each day to a very sorrowful dwelling. When would it ever change?
The year 2011 began much the same way. As the months passed by, I questioned the Lord "why?" I sought Him, I read and professed His word, I was a faithful and cheerful giver. I delighted in His work. I am not sure exactly how, as His works are sure but not always seen, that He began to answer my prayers.
Maybe He had it all lined up from the beginning. Maybe I was just absorbed in my circumstances. Maybe my human mind is still incapable of perceiving just how immense His love is for me.
By the end of 2011, things were looking up. I had started dating one of those church members that had surrounded me, overlooked. I turned in my application for the nursing program. I celebrated Christmas for the first time in many years. The joy that had been screaming to erupt from my heart was slowly but surely escaping... and I loved it.
2012 rolled around. February 16, 2012 I was accepted into the ADN program. I figured I'd get through it just like I had all the classes before. Just a little elbow grease and some determination. March 10, 2012, my love asked me to be his wife. August 13, 2012, I started the ADN program. (I think that first day cued me in to the wisdom that it would take more than a little elbow grease and determination to get through.) [Editdue to pregnancy brain: October 11, 2012, I said I do and I will to the man God created especially for me.] So many firsts.
2013 was a collage of studying, crying, sorrow, random times of laughter, and hard work. It was also the marker of our first year of marriage and yet another first. We found out we would become a family. On Christmas Day, we shared our happiness with our immediate family.
Then came 2014. I've been thinking of referring to it as the year of miracles. In just a few short days on May 13, 2014 I will be pinned as a graduate nurse. That's a miracle by itself. It only took several meltdowns to get here. On May 15, 2014, I will officially be a college graduate. With the exception of maybe 2 of my aunts, no one else in my family has ever done this. I am overwhelmed. Sometime in June, 2014 I will take (and pass with flying colors) the NCLEX-RN and become an official Registered Nurse. And on or about August 14, 2014, we will welcome our daughter, Abbigail Hope, into this world.
I am thrilled. I am scared. I am here. Only because of the Lord Jesus Christ who brought me this far. One thing must I keep in mind: " And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
I have no time for fear or doubt. I have only those things which I so desired of the Lord for so long. And I am happy.
I started prereq's for my ADN and BSN in August 2010 after switching from Christian Studies with dual minors in Youth Ministry and Christian Counseling. The Lord was teaching me that Nursing IS my ministry. In Nursing, I am not limited to an age group or one audience. There are people with dire need of compassion and light in the darkness they're going through in hospitals, skilled nursing facilities, post-acute care units, hospice, you name it.
He was showing me that His work is not limited to a title or a degree. Ministry doesn't have to come from a pulpit. Love can be shown outside of a church building.
In 2010, I was miserable in my personal life. I felt stuck and the more I tried to break free, the more entangled I became. For more than a year, I cried out to God. He provided my every need, but I was yet forlorn. I was surrounded by classmates, coworkers, church members, and somehow I was alone. I had been alienated from family members by time and distance. There were no friends to turn to. I went home each day to a very sorrowful dwelling. When would it ever change?
The year 2011 began much the same way. As the months passed by, I questioned the Lord "why?" I sought Him, I read and professed His word, I was a faithful and cheerful giver. I delighted in His work. I am not sure exactly how, as His works are sure but not always seen, that He began to answer my prayers.
Maybe He had it all lined up from the beginning. Maybe I was just absorbed in my circumstances. Maybe my human mind is still incapable of perceiving just how immense His love is for me.
By the end of 2011, things were looking up. I had started dating one of those church members that had surrounded me, overlooked. I turned in my application for the nursing program. I celebrated Christmas for the first time in many years. The joy that had been screaming to erupt from my heart was slowly but surely escaping... and I loved it.
2012 rolled around. February 16, 2012 I was accepted into the ADN program. I figured I'd get through it just like I had all the classes before. Just a little elbow grease and some determination. March 10, 2012, my love asked me to be his wife. August 13, 2012, I started the ADN program. (I think that first day cued me in to the wisdom that it would take more than a little elbow grease and determination to get through.) [Edit
2013 was a collage of studying, crying, sorrow, random times of laughter, and hard work. It was also the marker of our first year of marriage and yet another first. We found out we would become a family. On Christmas Day, we shared our happiness with our immediate family.
Then came 2014. I've been thinking of referring to it as the year of miracles. In just a few short days on May 13, 2014 I will be pinned as a graduate nurse. That's a miracle by itself. It only took several meltdowns to get here. On May 15, 2014, I will officially be a college graduate. With the exception of maybe 2 of my aunts, no one else in my family has ever done this. I am overwhelmed. Sometime in June, 2014 I will take (and pass with flying colors) the NCLEX-RN and become an official Registered Nurse. And on or about August 14, 2014, we will welcome our daughter, Abbigail Hope, into this world.
I am thrilled. I am scared. I am here. Only because of the Lord Jesus Christ who brought me this far. One thing must I keep in mind: " And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
I have no time for fear or doubt. I have only those things which I so desired of the Lord for so long. And I am happy.
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
An Update
It's been more than a month since I posted. I notice these things, people. And it bothers me.
So here's what's new lately.
We're having a baby girl. Her name is Abbigail Hope Blankenship, and her due date is August 14th. She is currently aspiring to be a gymnast, an acrobat, or a stunt double. We're not sure yet.
Abbigail (Abbi)'s daddy is 6' and her mommy is 5'9'', so she is going to be a little amazon. Check out that foot.
I have perpetual hot flashes. It's not fun. I saw an ad for some kind of cooling bra by Lane Bryant in my email earlier and almost cried out of gratitude and poverty lol.
My husband's best friend from childhood has been the greatest during this pregnancy. I'm weird and never stayed in one location long during childhood, so my friends are few and the distance is far between us- literally. She is awesome. And hosting our coed baby shower. I'm tickled pink. And green, navy, and white. Those are our colors. And safari is our theme.
I have my pinning ceremony May 13th. I'm excited. And simultaneously bummed. It's weird. I'm going to miss everyone. And adult interaction during the daytime with people that have estrogen.
I have one week left of clinicals. I had my CCU/ICU clinicals this week. We had three patients to leave this earth. It's an odd feeling to watch the heart slowly give out on a monitor, and not one I care to repeat. It's also strange to gingerly care for a body when the person no longer inhabits it. It's as if you mourn for them by preparing the shell of who they were.
I don't know that we can do much about death when it's time, but to live our lives even more so in their memory.
So I vowed to live and love more fervently, to go about with a purpose. I have something planned for my hubster this weekend to remind him that life isn't a tragic merry-go-round of monotony, but a journey of wonder and awe given to us by a Creator who loves and enjoys us. I'm so excited for him, for us, for life.
And I wanted to leave you with the why behind the name chosen for the new life we have been blessed with. Abbigail is a Hebrew name meaning 'source of the father's joy' or 'joy of the father' and Hope is a biblical principle of a future certainty, not a wishful thinking. Abigail was the wife of King David that honored her first husband before he was condemned. She pleased the Lord and was honored. She brought the Father joy. Our Abbigail brings us joy, and we will raise her in honor of her Heavenly Father, to please Him. She is also the fruition of our hope, for I was told I could not conceive because of health reasons. We refused to believe that, and hoped (had a certainty for the future) in the Lord. He honored our desires.
So here's what's new lately.
We're having a baby girl. Her name is Abbigail Hope Blankenship, and her due date is August 14th. She is currently aspiring to be a gymnast, an acrobat, or a stunt double. We're not sure yet.
Abbigail (Abbi)'s daddy is 6' and her mommy is 5'9'', so she is going to be a little amazon. Check out that foot.
My husband's best friend from childhood has been the greatest during this pregnancy. I'm weird and never stayed in one location long during childhood, so my friends are few and the distance is far between us- literally. She is awesome. And hosting our coed baby shower. I'm tickled pink. And green, navy, and white. Those are our colors. And safari is our theme.
I have my pinning ceremony May 13th. I'm excited. And simultaneously bummed. It's weird. I'm going to miss everyone. And adult interaction during the daytime with people that have estrogen.
I have one week left of clinicals. I had my CCU/ICU clinicals this week. We had three patients to leave this earth. It's an odd feeling to watch the heart slowly give out on a monitor, and not one I care to repeat. It's also strange to gingerly care for a body when the person no longer inhabits it. It's as if you mourn for them by preparing the shell of who they were.
I don't know that we can do much about death when it's time, but to live our lives even more so in their memory.
So I vowed to live and love more fervently, to go about with a purpose. I have something planned for my hubster this weekend to remind him that life isn't a tragic merry-go-round of monotony, but a journey of wonder and awe given to us by a Creator who loves and enjoys us. I'm so excited for him, for us, for life.
And I wanted to leave you with the why behind the name chosen for the new life we have been blessed with. Abbigail is a Hebrew name meaning 'source of the father's joy' or 'joy of the father' and Hope is a biblical principle of a future certainty, not a wishful thinking. Abigail was the wife of King David that honored her first husband before he was condemned. She pleased the Lord and was honored. She brought the Father joy. Our Abbigail brings us joy, and we will raise her in honor of her Heavenly Father, to please Him. She is also the fruition of our hope, for I was told I could not conceive because of health reasons. We refused to believe that, and hoped (had a certainty for the future) in the Lord. He honored our desires.
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Before You Judge Me
One of my instructors asked me yesterday, "What is going on with you lately?" I haven't been able to get it out of my mind. I'm sure on her end, she sees that I'm late on a deadline or absent-mindedly misplacing a part of an assignment. While I try to keep everyone invested in my education abreast of what is happening that may cause me to falter, I can't make them understand the reality of it.
Don't misunderstand me; this is not a 'pity post.' Encouragement I can accept, but I will not accept pity. (Hint: any suggestions will be taken into consideration.)
I feel like I'm struggling to tread water right now. This is my last semester, and it really isn't a difficult one. I enjoy my classes and actually look forward to the reading assignments for Maternal Child.
But life does not stop to accommodate me. In the past couple of months, Chris and I have moved in with my in-laws because of financial and conditional concerns with the trailer. This has been a struggle. I love being here, but it's also hard to fit two families with differing routines under one roof. It has been an adjustment, especially considering that I'm just now emerging from food aversions, random bouts of nausea and tossing my cookies, and major fatigue. (And did I mention that we still haven't moved most of our stuff? I have to fit that in sometime during this month.)
The problem is, I've escaped the first trimester to be introduced into a whole new realm of adversity: migraines and "pregnancy brain." I did not realize pregnancy brain was real. I've heard it mentioned, but brushed it off. IT IS REAL, PEOPLE. On my last NUR 215 test, my brain left me hanging on three different concepts that I had studied and rehearsed for two weeks. I ended up looking at the paper as if I had never learned English or something. I wanted to cry, but could only laugh at the absurdity of the situation.
And these migraines need to go. I can't remember not having a headache now. They lighten up some around lunch time and then build up the later it gets. After supper, I'm usually laying in a dark, quiet room with a cold cloth on my head trying to escape the aura. Considering that that's my study time, this isn't working out so well. I'm thinking of asking my doctor about Fiorcet when I go back for Bean's checkup. It used to work great, but I went a while without having migraines, so I stopped taking it. I'm not sure what category it is offhand, but something's got to help, and soon.
And the latest on Bean. Technically, I'm between 16 and 17 weeks right now. Problem with that is, I've felt movement for two weeks now. And that's not the light, fluttery movements. I felt those at 13 weeks and the nurse told me it was gas. I don't know about everyone else, but gas does not feel light and fluttery to me. I have IBS and gas hurts. But we'll see. Whether I measure sooner than my due date or not, this child is at the very least an active one.
Latest cravings, you ask? (Actually, you probably don't care, but if you clicked to read the blog post, I may as well give you material...) Baked potatoes. Green beans, lima beans, and milk gravy from Shealy's- all mixed together. Fruit, especially strawberries, melon, and grapes. And sometimes I'll just want a specific place or type of food and I'm good when I get it. But I think I could eat my weight in baked potatoes. Considering Chris's family nickname is Spud, this baby's womb service orders are right on target. :)
Latest Christopher statements that I found ironically hilarious....
After telling Chris I needed to shave my legs and I felt like a gorilla, but didn't have the energy: "No, you're my koala; they're cute."
Sitting in church with the whole family in Lexington: "You're getting to be more Bean than belly." (Why thank you, love, I hadn't noticed my fluffiness could be mistaken for baby belly.)
Oh, I love this man. And this life that only I live.
But on the bright side....
Don't misunderstand me; this is not a 'pity post.' Encouragement I can accept, but I will not accept pity. (Hint: any suggestions will be taken into consideration.)
I feel like I'm struggling to tread water right now. This is my last semester, and it really isn't a difficult one. I enjoy my classes and actually look forward to the reading assignments for Maternal Child.
But life does not stop to accommodate me. In the past couple of months, Chris and I have moved in with my in-laws because of financial and conditional concerns with the trailer. This has been a struggle. I love being here, but it's also hard to fit two families with differing routines under one roof. It has been an adjustment, especially considering that I'm just now emerging from food aversions, random bouts of nausea and tossing my cookies, and major fatigue. (And did I mention that we still haven't moved most of our stuff? I have to fit that in sometime during this month.)
The problem is, I've escaped the first trimester to be introduced into a whole new realm of adversity: migraines and "pregnancy brain." I did not realize pregnancy brain was real. I've heard it mentioned, but brushed it off. IT IS REAL, PEOPLE. On my last NUR 215 test, my brain left me hanging on three different concepts that I had studied and rehearsed for two weeks. I ended up looking at the paper as if I had never learned English or something. I wanted to cry, but could only laugh at the absurdity of the situation.
And these migraines need to go. I can't remember not having a headache now. They lighten up some around lunch time and then build up the later it gets. After supper, I'm usually laying in a dark, quiet room with a cold cloth on my head trying to escape the aura. Considering that that's my study time, this isn't working out so well. I'm thinking of asking my doctor about Fiorcet when I go back for Bean's checkup. It used to work great, but I went a while without having migraines, so I stopped taking it. I'm not sure what category it is offhand, but something's got to help, and soon.
And the latest on Bean. Technically, I'm between 16 and 17 weeks right now. Problem with that is, I've felt movement for two weeks now. And that's not the light, fluttery movements. I felt those at 13 weeks and the nurse told me it was gas. I don't know about everyone else, but gas does not feel light and fluttery to me. I have IBS and gas hurts. But we'll see. Whether I measure sooner than my due date or not, this child is at the very least an active one.
Latest cravings, you ask? (Actually, you probably don't care, but if you clicked to read the blog post, I may as well give you material...) Baked potatoes. Green beans, lima beans, and milk gravy from Shealy's- all mixed together. Fruit, especially strawberries, melon, and grapes. And sometimes I'll just want a specific place or type of food and I'm good when I get it. But I think I could eat my weight in baked potatoes. Considering Chris's family nickname is Spud, this baby's womb service orders are right on target. :)
Latest Christopher statements that I found ironically hilarious....
After telling Chris I needed to shave my legs and I felt like a gorilla, but didn't have the energy: "No, you're my koala; they're cute."
Sitting in church with the whole family in Lexington: "You're getting to be more Bean than belly." (Why thank you, love, I hadn't noticed my fluffiness could be mistaken for baby belly.)
Oh, I love this man. And this life that only I live.
But on the bright side....
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Days Go By
It's been a while.
I feel like I'm in a fog lately. I guess this is part of the "pregnancy brain" phenomenon that I've heard people talk about. I have done so many goofy things in the past week and a half. Just today, I did poorly on a test because I overlooked phrases on the multiple choice and completely blanked on a few of the written parts. I can't do anything but laugh because I rehearsed those exact parts for two weeks out of paranoia. Hopefully it gets better. Hopefully.
I'm growing for sure. Bean is making his or her presence known and my belly looks like I am extremely bloated. Not cute baby belly, but big gas baby. Bleh. One site that I love and helps me keep sanity and perspective through this is www.alphamom.com/pregnancy-calendar-overview I even read it to Chris each week, and he enjoys it too. The woman is hilarious.
I'm not really having specific food cravings. I just want what I want when I want it lol. I finally have eased off the nausea and that's a huge relief. We'll get to find out if Bean is a boy or a girl March 13th. I'll be 18 weeks plus then, but that's how the scheduling worked out. I guess a couple extra weeks won't hurt. (By the way, I want a boy and Chris wants a girl; this should be interesting....) We have names chosen. We have a color scheme picked out. We'll choose a theme once we know boy or girl.
It seems as if May will never get here, and at the same time, I feel like it's flying. I love clinicals, and I really appreciate my instructors being so great. I've worked so hard for the last several years toward this goal, and now that it's almost here, it feels very surreal. I just need to keep my eyes on the prize and stay the course. By August, I will be an RN with a wonderful husband and a sweet baby.
By the next post, maybe I'll have something better to write about. ;) For now, I just needed to clear my mind (ha!) and touch base with those of you who care to know. And if anyone has any tips to help clear the fog I seem to be stuck in, that would be awesome.
I feel like I'm in a fog lately. I guess this is part of the "pregnancy brain" phenomenon that I've heard people talk about. I have done so many goofy things in the past week and a half. Just today, I did poorly on a test because I overlooked phrases on the multiple choice and completely blanked on a few of the written parts. I can't do anything but laugh because I rehearsed those exact parts for two weeks out of paranoia. Hopefully it gets better. Hopefully.
I'm growing for sure. Bean is making his or her presence known and my belly looks like I am extremely bloated. Not cute baby belly, but big gas baby. Bleh. One site that I love and helps me keep sanity and perspective through this is www.alphamom.com/pregnancy-calendar-overview I even read it to Chris each week, and he enjoys it too. The woman is hilarious.
I'm not really having specific food cravings. I just want what I want when I want it lol. I finally have eased off the nausea and that's a huge relief. We'll get to find out if Bean is a boy or a girl March 13th. I'll be 18 weeks plus then, but that's how the scheduling worked out. I guess a couple extra weeks won't hurt. (By the way, I want a boy and Chris wants a girl; this should be interesting....) We have names chosen. We have a color scheme picked out. We'll choose a theme once we know boy or girl.
It seems as if May will never get here, and at the same time, I feel like it's flying. I love clinicals, and I really appreciate my instructors being so great. I've worked so hard for the last several years toward this goal, and now that it's almost here, it feels very surreal. I just need to keep my eyes on the prize and stay the course. By August, I will be an RN with a wonderful husband and a sweet baby.
By the next post, maybe I'll have something better to write about. ;) For now, I just needed to clear my mind (ha!) and touch base with those of you who care to know. And if anyone has any tips to help clear the fog I seem to be stuck in, that would be awesome.
Friday, January 17, 2014
A Letter to our Baby
Dear Bean,
You are forever stuck with this moniker. It doesn't matter if you are a boy or a girl. We'll find out in a few weeks, but Bean you shall remain. It's settled.
Now, several years from now when we have "the talk" and you are curious about babies, where they come from, and what goes on during those arduous nine months, I will refer you to this post. These are the things for which no one adequately prepared your mommy (or daddy, to be fair).
Mommy gets emotional over videos and pictures of little babies and tortures herself with the stories of those children who Jesus needed with him before they were adults. I think of you and pray that the Lord will prepare you for the call He has upon your life. When I first read the story of Hannah and Samuel in the Bible, I knew I was to devote you to the purposes the Lord has for you. Your daddy and I are anxious to see you, the blessing for whom we prayed.
The doctor says you are about 10 weeks along your journey, even though I think you are a little further. These weeks have been a roller coaster for both your daddy and I. About week 6, I woke up nauseated one day and am still waiting for it to stop. Even though I feel sick much of the time, I still want certain foods. The food that I want often changes daily. Weeks 6-8 I wanted black olives and banana peppers in a salad with ranch and Italian dressing. One evening, your daddy called me from the grocery store frantically trying to find black olives (because we don't usually eat them). I cried at the thought of him giving up before finding the olives. After that night, I didn't want olives or banana peppers anymore. I craved Mexican food for a week and ate it once; that was enough. Nothing tastes as good as I imagine it will.
Everyone told me to drink ginger ale and eat crackers for the nausea. You, my little Bean, must not have appreciated it. I have figured out that Cherry Coke and sour cream and cheddar ruffles are the best at ridding the queasy feeling. I try to eat healthy other than those two things. I always want fruit now, especially oranges, tangelos, bananas, and strawberries. In fact, I think your Poppy was perturbed when he took us to dinner at one of our favorite Chinese restaurants and I consumed mainly fruit. Your Memaw was amused, I believe.
I have had some days where smells bothered me. A couple of nights, your daddy and Memaw had to finish making dinner. There was a week where the smell of human breath made me cringe. I hope I'm over that because your daddy thought it was hilarious and purposely breathed his hot breath on me. He recovered after a few days, and is doing well. Seriously, he's been a trooper, especially since I can't sleep very well at night now. I steal covers, push him to the furthest edge of the mattress, take pillows, crawl over him to go pee, and other worse things all in hopes of getting comfortable and sleeping. I think he's only moved to the couch twice so far.
What else is there?... emotions, food, nausea, insomnia, oh! yes, how could I forget...
When you first were entrusted to me to carry you for this time, yet before I quite knew it, I had a little meltdown in the doctor's office. I had noticed some changes happening in my body and my pants were rather snug. I went to my primary physician and found that I had gained 9 pounds in two weeks. This was my first clue that I was carrying you. Since that day, my weight has gone down and is gradually creeping back up. You are so small right now that most of my weight is not quite from you yet, but from changes my body is making to prepare for you. Honestly, I feel like I have a gas baby or a food baby holding your place.
All those things aside, your daddy and I can't wait to see you. Make no mistake, you take your time growing and developing. But, when it's your day to emerge into this world, I look forward to counting your toes and fingers, and hearing your first cries. If your daddy doesn't pass out, then we will be proud of him together and you can congratulate him by crying louder than him. Just bear with us; we're new at this. We won't always get it right. But we will always try our best.
Love,
Your Very Anxious and Grateful Mommy
You are forever stuck with this moniker. It doesn't matter if you are a boy or a girl. We'll find out in a few weeks, but Bean you shall remain. It's settled.
Now, several years from now when we have "the talk" and you are curious about babies, where they come from, and what goes on during those arduous nine months, I will refer you to this post. These are the things for which no one adequately prepared your mommy (or daddy, to be fair).
Mommy gets emotional over videos and pictures of little babies and tortures herself with the stories of those children who Jesus needed with him before they were adults. I think of you and pray that the Lord will prepare you for the call He has upon your life. When I first read the story of Hannah and Samuel in the Bible, I knew I was to devote you to the purposes the Lord has for you. Your daddy and I are anxious to see you, the blessing for whom we prayed.
The doctor says you are about 10 weeks along your journey, even though I think you are a little further. These weeks have been a roller coaster for both your daddy and I. About week 6, I woke up nauseated one day and am still waiting for it to stop. Even though I feel sick much of the time, I still want certain foods. The food that I want often changes daily. Weeks 6-8 I wanted black olives and banana peppers in a salad with ranch and Italian dressing. One evening, your daddy called me from the grocery store frantically trying to find black olives (because we don't usually eat them). I cried at the thought of him giving up before finding the olives. After that night, I didn't want olives or banana peppers anymore. I craved Mexican food for a week and ate it once; that was enough. Nothing tastes as good as I imagine it will.
Everyone told me to drink ginger ale and eat crackers for the nausea. You, my little Bean, must not have appreciated it. I have figured out that Cherry Coke and sour cream and cheddar ruffles are the best at ridding the queasy feeling. I try to eat healthy other than those two things. I always want fruit now, especially oranges, tangelos, bananas, and strawberries. In fact, I think your Poppy was perturbed when he took us to dinner at one of our favorite Chinese restaurants and I consumed mainly fruit. Your Memaw was amused, I believe.
I have had some days where smells bothered me. A couple of nights, your daddy and Memaw had to finish making dinner. There was a week where the smell of human breath made me cringe. I hope I'm over that because your daddy thought it was hilarious and purposely breathed his hot breath on me. He recovered after a few days, and is doing well. Seriously, he's been a trooper, especially since I can't sleep very well at night now. I steal covers, push him to the furthest edge of the mattress, take pillows, crawl over him to go pee, and other worse things all in hopes of getting comfortable and sleeping. I think he's only moved to the couch twice so far.
What else is there?... emotions, food, nausea, insomnia, oh! yes, how could I forget...
When you first were entrusted to me to carry you for this time, yet before I quite knew it, I had a little meltdown in the doctor's office. I had noticed some changes happening in my body and my pants were rather snug. I went to my primary physician and found that I had gained 9 pounds in two weeks. This was my first clue that I was carrying you. Since that day, my weight has gone down and is gradually creeping back up. You are so small right now that most of my weight is not quite from you yet, but from changes my body is making to prepare for you. Honestly, I feel like I have a gas baby or a food baby holding your place.
All those things aside, your daddy and I can't wait to see you. Make no mistake, you take your time growing and developing. But, when it's your day to emerge into this world, I look forward to counting your toes and fingers, and hearing your first cries. If your daddy doesn't pass out, then we will be proud of him together and you can congratulate him by crying louder than him. Just bear with us; we're new at this. We won't always get it right. But we will always try our best.
Love,
Your Very Anxious and Grateful Mommy
Thursday, January 9, 2014
It's A... Turtle?!
Yesterday was my first OB appointment. I wasn't really sure what to expect, as I had bits of information coming at me from several directions. I was scared as to what we would have to pay and at the possible disappointment of not seeing our baby on ultrasound. (Someone with our same insurance told us we wouldn't have an ultrasound until well in the second trimester.) Regardless, I prayed for peace and got ready to go. Chris and I stopped to pick up my Auntie and headed up there.
After some research, I decided on Lexington OB/GYN, and I made my appointment. It wasn't until I got there yesterday that I found out I was accepted despite the fact they aren't accepting new patients. Praise Jesus! I loved the office staff, the ultrasound tech, the nurse, and the doctor. I will have ultrasounds at 12 weeks, 16 weeks, 20 weeks, and 28 weeks. The 16 week and 28 week ultrasounds are no cost to us. I felt fully informed and a definite part of the decision-making team. Anyway, on to the details of the visit...
First stop: ultrasound. This is the moment I have waited for. I have had crazy dreams for weeks, and have had to pray to absolve random thoughts and fears about this baby. The tech stepped out of the room for me to undress, and I happened to look at her photos of her children. I graduated with one of her sons, so I made Auntie hold up my coat in front of the pictures while I assumed the correct garments. She complied with my odd requests before she realized how absurd I am and laughed at me.
The tech came back in the room and proceeded with the ultrasound. I looked at the monitor as if each millisecond took hours to locate the baby, and finally the screen was consumed by our little one! Chris, Auntie, and I looked in wonder and thankful relief at our tiny baby developing inside of me... a little wonder, an honest miracle.
At this moment, I uttered a silent prayer of thanksgiving, and in the next moment it struck me how much our baby resembles a turtle. A turtle with a big head. Blame it on my pregnancy brain or my random sense of humor, but I laughed. It was a welcome sign to escape the tension of my nerves that has built with each pain or thought over the past few weeks. We're having a turtle! I still laugh at the thought.
By the size of our baby and some other key pieces of information the internet doesn't need, the best guess as to when Bean shall join us is between August 8 and August 14, but August 14 is more likely as this is our first baby. It feels surreal to be able to place a date on when our child will be expected to arrive in this world.
We later spoke with both the nurse and the doctor, asking any and all questions we pleased. The nurse gave us a lot of materials to read and reference, including a book that my OB wrote (which is really awesome, by the way). Not many people get the seal of approval from Auntie, but they passed with flying colors.
I am looking forward to the next seven months, and I'm simultaneously frightened by the next seven months. I take comfort in knowing that the Lord wants this baby to be here. All the things I was supposed to do to become pregnant concerning my medical diagnoses, I didn't do at all. Yet, we have a little blessing on the way. And in no mindset could I ever believe that my God and Savior would make a physical way for this baby without also making the means to provide. So, we rejoice in this knowledge!
When I have the time, I will post an image or two of ultrasounds along the way, but for now, I want a small glimpse into our humble beginnings before baby...
After some research, I decided on Lexington OB/GYN, and I made my appointment. It wasn't until I got there yesterday that I found out I was accepted despite the fact they aren't accepting new patients. Praise Jesus! I loved the office staff, the ultrasound tech, the nurse, and the doctor. I will have ultrasounds at 12 weeks, 16 weeks, 20 weeks, and 28 weeks. The 16 week and 28 week ultrasounds are no cost to us. I felt fully informed and a definite part of the decision-making team. Anyway, on to the details of the visit...
First stop: ultrasound. This is the moment I have waited for. I have had crazy dreams for weeks, and have had to pray to absolve random thoughts and fears about this baby. The tech stepped out of the room for me to undress, and I happened to look at her photos of her children. I graduated with one of her sons, so I made Auntie hold up my coat in front of the pictures while I assumed the correct garments. She complied with my odd requests before she realized how absurd I am and laughed at me.
The tech came back in the room and proceeded with the ultrasound. I looked at the monitor as if each millisecond took hours to locate the baby, and finally the screen was consumed by our little one! Chris, Auntie, and I looked in wonder and thankful relief at our tiny baby developing inside of me... a little wonder, an honest miracle.
At this moment, I uttered a silent prayer of thanksgiving, and in the next moment it struck me how much our baby resembles a turtle. A turtle with a big head. Blame it on my pregnancy brain or my random sense of humor, but I laughed. It was a welcome sign to escape the tension of my nerves that has built with each pain or thought over the past few weeks. We're having a turtle! I still laugh at the thought.
By the size of our baby and some other key pieces of information the internet doesn't need, the best guess as to when Bean shall join us is between August 8 and August 14, but August 14 is more likely as this is our first baby. It feels surreal to be able to place a date on when our child will be expected to arrive in this world.
We later spoke with both the nurse and the doctor, asking any and all questions we pleased. The nurse gave us a lot of materials to read and reference, including a book that my OB wrote (which is really awesome, by the way). Not many people get the seal of approval from Auntie, but they passed with flying colors.
I am looking forward to the next seven months, and I'm simultaneously frightened by the next seven months. I take comfort in knowing that the Lord wants this baby to be here. All the things I was supposed to do to become pregnant concerning my medical diagnoses, I didn't do at all. Yet, we have a little blessing on the way. And in no mindset could I ever believe that my God and Savior would make a physical way for this baby without also making the means to provide. So, we rejoice in this knowledge!
When I have the time, I will post an image or two of ultrasounds along the way, but for now, I want a small glimpse into our humble beginnings before baby...
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| Minutes before he popped the question. |
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| Busch Gardens Tampa March 2012 |
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| Epworth Camp, Greenwood SC July 2012 |
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| Senior Pinning Ceremony May 2013 |
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| Before Carnival of Madness August 2013 |
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| Meet and Greet with Skillet August 2013 |
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| Billy Graham Library September 2013 |
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| Our Wedding Day 10.11.12 |
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