A Deep Breath of Contentment.

It's been a while. 
Not that I have this huge following that tracks my blog attendance, but I would like to be more regular with my posts.
Let me remind you, I am in my next to last semester in nursing school... no other excuse necessary.
This is what I've been brewing lately...

I have been super stressed about school.  I have not been doing well, and all my studying wasn't enough.  I got some great tips, and I put them to good use.  Thanks for those!
Really, though, I have had a deep-seated peace about all the chaos.  I know that I can do this and I know that I will.  I thank the Lord that He is with me and leads me in wisdom.

I did well on the most recent tests I took.  I plan to study and apply the material even more in these last few weeks.  I am encouraged, and it feels great.  I plan to knock out my Well Elder paper/teaching plan and my Patho Paper this weekend.  I will start studying for the Neuro test when I finish those.  I love having plans and the motivation to go with them. :)

I had a hospice rotation today.  I enjoyed it, but I have a tendency to get too attached to people, so I know it likely would not be in the cards for me.  Cardiac is my passion.  I finished my five weeks of psych nursing clinicals yesterday.  I will miss my patients.  It's funny how much they taught me, and how little I expected to gain from it.  I will never lose those memories now.

I've always felt that I don't fit in.  Sure, I have a bazillion acquaintances, and I'm a stranger to none, but there are few I let see my vulnerable moments.  I'm the odd ball out, and I have very few good friends.  Sometimes, I feel so lonely, and other times I'm so exhausted that I feel it's best this way.  Anyway, last Saturday, I felt I connected with people.  Not patients, peers, or instructors.  Friends.  We had dinner with my husband's best friend from childhood and her husband.  I was extremely happy to connect, as we don't often get the chance, and I'm thoroughly pleased to plan further get-togethers with them.

Lastly, I decided to stop saying what I plan to do.  I'm just going to do it.  If it is noticed, fine.  If it isn't, fine.  I've got to do things for me, not for how I think others perceive me.  And that's that.

Just an old pic from Christmas 2010, but I always feel at peace when I see it.  Yes, those are pajamas.

Encouragement, Willpower: Where Art Thou?

This should be short, sweet, and to the point.  You see, I have to get back to working on assignments, and I just needed to breathe.  I received my grade for our fourth Med-Surg test on Immune/HIV/AIDS today.  I failed it.  In fact, I have only passed one out of the four tests thus far this semester.  I'm not looking for pity, by any means.  But I would love some sound advice, if you have any to offer.

I have given up so much to be here.  I KNOW this is my purpose.  I only miss it by a few points each time.  Passing is an 80 or above.  Seems like 77 is my number lately.  I have to figure out a different way to study or a different set-point for my brain.  I am highly distractible, especially in class.  I try really hard to focus.  We have rearranged our family schedule to accommodate my study needs.  I have never been one to use flash cards, and I even used those for materials in charts this past test.  I have tried the SQ3R method, as suggested by another classmate.  It has to be modified because there literally does not exist an amount of time sufficient to complete that method of study for our required materials.  There has to be something that works better for me.  I'm not an auditory learner, by any means.

I have this peace that only comes from knowing that my Savior is in control.  I just want to bring Him glory throughout this journey.

Thanks in advance for advice, prayer, tough love, or whatever you have to offer.